Babies don't keep.
As I walked away from my son, his tiny body so absorbed in the new environment that he didn't pay much attention when I waved him goodbye, I felt a lump in my throat and my vision blurred with all the tears I was trying so hard to hold back.
I knew the distraction would soon wear off and he would look for Mom only to figure out that he was all alone. Would he feel mad at me or at worst feel betrayed by the humans he has relied on his whole life?
It all started a few months ago when after a very fun summer break my daughter returned to school. She is 7 years older than my son and a lifetime more mature than he is. He saw her packing her school bag with excitement and wondered how fun the school can actually be.
When we dropped her off, she skipped her way to school and Kiaan asked in the old-learned-sage voice:
“Why you no send me to school Mumma? I am ready!”
“Because you are a small boy Kiki, we will send you when you are 3”
“I am not a fall(he still can’t say S) boy Mumma, I am a big boy and I am ready”
Now who were we to question this little monk and his readiness. We decided to enroll him in a preschool. Only to find out we were late by a million years! Some of my friends got on the waiting list for their favorite preschool while they were still pregnant!
Anywho we got him on the waitlist nevertheless, knowing fully well we might never be able to send him to this school. This is the Bay Area for you!
Well all is not lost if you are willing to give someone new a try. We did find a preschool that had an opening. But then I realized… I was not ready! I came with excuse after excuse for not sending him to school.
“It’s almost the Holiday season, we can send him in January”
“It's so cold right now, he can go in February”
“But it's still raining! What's the hurry?”
Now it was time for (my)intervention, I mean I knew it was coming!
After delaying it for months, I knew it was time for him to go to school. He was ready, everyone else was ready, hubby reassured me I will be ready too!
But no amount of reassurances help when you leave a piece of your heart behind and walk away knowing fully well that he is gonna break down pretty soon!
Needless to say I was overly anxious throughout the day. Checked on him multiple times. Nothing could bring me peace or even distraction that day. I left early and headed straight to his school.
He smiled when he noticed me in his classroom and my anxiety instantly melted!
He timidly walked towards me and gave the longest and warmest hug. On our way home he could not stop talking about the amazing day he had and the “nummy” cookie he ate for snacks. I kept glancing at him in the rearview mirror, suddenly hyper aware that he is growing so fast! He is not my “fall boy” anymore. I felt so proud for him but also a little sad, not sure if I was ready for him to step outside of the house yet. It was such a bittersweet moment.
They do grow so fast! Don’t they?