You got this! You are enough!
10 years ago I found myself in my pediatrician’s office. It was supposed to be a well baby checkup on day 10 of my new baby’s life and here I was, unable to console my crying newborn, me and my husband taking turns and failing, sweating, on the verge of tears, fully convinced there is something wrong with the baby.
Because of all of the baby classes we did and the tutorials we watched, the moms were just able to follow a few simple steps to help their wailing infants calm down and fall asleep like little angels the babies were supposed to be.
The doctor walked in, a calm and quiet, middle aged man with deep, kind eyes. He must have noticed the worry on our faces, it was quite evident actually, he gestured to me to hand over the baby.
And just like a fairy godmother, he swayed from side to side and hummed in the most gentle voice and within seconds calmed my wailing baby down.
At this point, I am ugly crying, clearly there is nothing wrong with the baby but with me. It's me(and ofcourse my husband) who is not able to soothe our child.
We were first time parents, we were young and have never even been in the vicinity of a baby. We had no idea how much babies cried and definitely did not know how to soothe a crying baby.
Of course we had help from our parents and we had done a bunch of classes, read the recommended books and watched the tutorials, but when left on our own, we felt anxious and unsure of all our decisions.
I mean if we can’t tell why our baby is crying and can’t not soothe the baby, we are definitely not capable of making right decisions for our baby.
Now, I swear I did not say those words out loud, but our pediatrician seemed to know exactly what I was thinking, because this is what he said to us:
“I know it feels like you don’t understand your baby and don't seem to know what to do when the baby is crying, but you are her parents and pretty soon you will know this baby inside out. You will know her different cries, you will know all her laughs, just give yourself sometime”
I will tell you this, I have never felt so seen in my entire life! I never forgot what that doctor told us. It wasn’t a motivational speech, it was hardly a speech at all! It was the affirmation that we needed at that moment. He did not shame us or try to lecture us or hurl advice in our direction. He just told us that he believed, with time, we would just figure it out. And we did!
We now know our daughter inside out! When she complains about stomach ache we know if it's actually physical pain or if she is feeling nervous. We know her laughs, her giggles, her losses and triumphs. We know her story and she knows our!
Exactly what our pediatrician told us!
So now, every time I see a new mom stressed, I always tell her that she will figure it out. Because we always do! Moms are so special, aren’t they?
They take care of everyone around them and still carry so much guilt in their hearts, wondering if they are enough!